I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize