Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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