Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize