I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
