I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize