you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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