You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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