I accidentally burped into my bong.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
