Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
