he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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