i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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