D3 body, D1 cock
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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