the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
