I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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