If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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