Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
