I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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