I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
