whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
