I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
