Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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