Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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