if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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