New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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