I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
