The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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