How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
