I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
