how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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