I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
