I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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