I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
