You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
