She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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