are you so shy because you have an std?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
