i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize