my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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