watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
