u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
