He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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