Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
