it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
