.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
