seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
