I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
