Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
