i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
