Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
