Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
