I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is my gift to your gina
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
