I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
