...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
