Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came so hard my ears popped.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
