First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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