This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
