Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize