porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
