Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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