I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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