I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize