How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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