I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
