she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
