So drunk its hurt
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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