When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
