I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
