and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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