I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
