A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
did i just pee glitter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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