Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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