Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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