I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
