I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
