Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
