I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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