I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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