Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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