He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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