One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
