I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
