I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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