i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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